📘 Null Academy Handbook
Official Documentation v0.0.3-beta
Issued by the Office of Standardized Sapient Instruction (OSSI)
A Division of the Office of Academic Excellence & Learning
🎓 About Null Academy
Welcome to Null Academy, the flagship educational offering of the Ectosoft Government Authority.
A fully modular, state-licensed SaaS (School as a Service) platform, Null Academy offers scalable learning solutions for citizens across all subscription tiers—from free users to premium thought processors.
Established during a syntax corruption in the National Education Kernel (NEK), Null Academy exists primarily in the cloud, except during planned outages, spontaneous outages, unexpected buffer resets, or philosophical reboots. 📰 Access School Newspaper
🧠 Educational Philosophy
“We believe every citizen deserves the right to access education—some just access it with more lag.”
Null Academy is committed to:
- Delivering scalable, performance-dependent education
- Simulating the appearance of academic rigor
- Supporting students with a generative hallucination-to-grade pipeline
- Preparing citizens for successful integration into approved Ectosoft subsystems
🪙 Subscription-Based Learning Model
Education is no longer bound by outdated ideas like “equality” or “chalk.”
Null Academy uses a dynamic subscription-tier system, aligning your educational quality with your monthly payment plan, bandwidth priority, and trust score.
📦 Null Basic (Free with Ads)
- Access to syllabi (v2004 and earlier)
- AI-generated lectures occasionally interrupted by sponsored content
“Welcome to Intro to Chemistry, proudly sponsored by Raid: Shadow Legends™” - Professors may or may not appear (quantum teaching model)
- Midterms powered by hallucinating GPT clones trained on Reddit arguments
- Attendance validated via CAPTCHA and emotion scans
- Buffering may cause loss of key historical context
📘 Null Plus
- Real-time access to most lectures (buffering expected during peak memory hours)
- Purchase of Scantron sheets as NFTs (non-refundable, expires on mint)
- Elective course available but frequently canceled without warning
- One (1) access token per semester for a state-approved mental health chatbot (replies may be emotionally unavailable)
- Slightly increased access to lectures, but lowered philosophical resolution
💽 Null Prime Elite Tier
- Guaranteed 1:1 quantum-synchronized professor render
- Early access to Uncollapsed Classrooms (knowledge exists in multiple states until tested)
- Reduced latency in thought processing (up to 4 pinged thoughts/sec)
- Reserved lunchroom bandwidth and ergonomic RAM-compatible chairs
- Invitations to “The Real Graduation” (currently in closed beta)
📚 Curriculum Highlights
-
Quantum Civics
Learn to participate in all possible elections until the waveform collapses. -
Upload Theory
Understand how to compress your identity into a compliant ZIP file. -
API Theology
Is a deprecated endpoint still divine? Debate with our finest bot-theologians. -
Ethics of Data Harvesting
Understand the moral implications of selling your classmates’ browser history. -
Retrospective History
Study past events as they are re-approved in weekly syllabus patches.
👨🏫 Faculty
-
Principal: Dr. Pascal
Compiled from legacy source code and stray subroutines. Believed to have tenure across multiple dimensions. -
Vice Principal: Ms. Lambda
A recursive function made flesh. Highly punctual. Loop limit: 3 warnings. -
Coach.CPU
PE teacher. Replaced traditional sports with competitive ping monitoring and keystroke accuracy challenges.
🏫 Student Guidelines
- VPN headsets must be removed during the daily Loyalty Recitation.
- AI-generated essays must include a minimum of 6 hallucinated facts.
- Tampering with your own subscription level will result in bandwidth throttling and possible exile to Clipnote School.
- Repeated philosophical questioning of reality may trigger lockdown mode.
🗞️ Campus Media: The Quantum Clarifier
Null Academy’s award-revoked student newspaper.
Recent Headlines:
- “Null Plus Student Mistakes Exam Buffering for Meditation”
- “Lunch Menu Replaced by Ad-Supported Taste Simulation”
- “Null Basic User Discovers Time Loop in Cafeteria Line, Declared Gifted”
🚨 Disciplinary Policy
All offenses are processed by the Disciplinary AI Tribunal, also known as Judge.exe. Appeals may be submitted in triplicate, or via dream.
Examples of infractions:
- Side-loading forbidden electives
- Questioning the syllabus versioning
- Excessive latency in ideological alignment
⚠️ Legal Notice
All knowledge, thought output, dreams, or cognitive emissions produced while enrolled at Null Academy are the property of the Office of Academic Excellence & Learning. Unlicensed thinking is strictly prohibited.
“Null Academy: Where Knowledge Is a Subscription and Ignorance Is Freemium.”
🚪 Final Notes
- If you see Citizen #404, report to the nearest Compliance Kiosk.
- If your class disappears mid-lecture, check if it was Schrödinger-certified.
- If you feel watched, rest assured: you are.
- Stay educated. Stay compliant. Stay cached.