Ectosoft

📰 Null Signal

The Officially Unofficial Student Newspaper of Null Academy

🕵️‍♀️ CAMPUS RUMORS & GLITCHES

Compiled by the Office of Speculation & Suspicion Integration (OSSI) — a division of the Department of Official Denial.

🔁 “Infinite Lecture” Allegedly Still Looping

Sources deep within the server stack claim a rogue lecture in Quantum Applications in Mid-Tier Lunch Scheduling is still playing somewhere in the academic core. Attendees report lost time, existential recursion, and the same PowerPoint slide explaining entropy with a picture of soup.

“I left with 3 credits and came back with 3 questions about time.”
— Null Basic Nomad

Engineers believe it may be a byproduct of leaked String Theory experiments from the Physics Sandbox, where timelines are occasionally tied into decorative knots.

🧑‍🏫 Dr. Pascal Is Now Mostly Vibration

Recent hallway interference patterns suggest Principal Dr. Pascal has phased into a higher state of academic resonance. His office door now hums at 7.83Hz—the same frequency Tesla once claimed could “vibrate the Earth and unlock wisdom or snacks.”

“I asked for an extension. My lamp turned on.”
— Tier Plus, awaiting reply

Tesla himself has been spotted on campus in the form of a roaming projection, delivering motivational quotes that may or may not be from him.

“If you want to understand the Nullverse, think in terms of frequency, energy, and failed login attempts.”
— Possibly Tesla

💽 Null Zero Tier: Real or Cache-Bait?

Whispers persist of a tier below Basic: Null Zero. Said to be reserved for students who try to understand too much, too fast, or correctly guess the admin password. Allegedly, they vanish into a Tesla coil-shaped data cloud during office hours.

“He asked why the syllabus had no end page. Then he blurred.”
— Witness under digital protection

👯 Quantum Twins Confirmed Glitch or Feature?

Intro to Uncertain Enrollment reports show a rising number of students occupying multiple instances of themselves. Some suspect a string theory overflow from the Math Department’s experiment: “Can You Fold a Syllabus in 11 Dimensions?”

“I saw myself in lab. He was holding my pen. I hate that guy.”
— Advanced Mirror Studies

⚡ Cafeteria Line Now Attracts Lightning

Last Thursday, Null Basic student Evan G. stood in line for so long, he began to attract static. Eyewitnesses say he momentarily levitated and hummed at a “Tesla Coil adjacent pitch” before receiving a half-warmed Hot Pocket and vanishing into a fog of electromagnetic regret.

“Pretty good Hot Pocket, though.”
— Evan’s Roommate

🎓 Graduation Ceremony: An Entangled Myth

Rumors resurface of a hidden “Graduation Node” where Null’s top subscription users ascend via vibrating platforms, supervised by a quantum AI running on Tesla’s original blueprints (allegedly found under the gym).

“The tassel isn’t turned—it’s spun at quantum speed until it disappears.”
— Null Plus Ultra+

⚠️ OSSI Warning:

Null Signal does not officially recognize this issue, nor any issue prior or future. Readers are advised that unlicensed speculation may trigger dimensional instability or pop quizzes. See your string advisor.